So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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