Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
