Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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