RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
