can u get pink eye on your cock?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
