Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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