Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
