Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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