someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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