im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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