I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
