so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
