Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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