i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
