At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
