I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
