Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
