Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
