Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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