so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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