Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
