I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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