i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
