I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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