I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize