No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
