I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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