so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
