I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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