I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
