dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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