I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Someone came in the potted fern
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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