We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
