Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
