Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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