she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
