Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize