he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
