i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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