You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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