I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
