The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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