I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I checked into jail on foursquare
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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