The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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