he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
