The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think your dad took our porno
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
