I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
