just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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