Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
