a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
