Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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