the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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