So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
we should paint friendship bongs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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