I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
