we have pet lesbian snakes
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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