Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
