she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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