Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize