I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
