I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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