So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
