i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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