Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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