Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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