The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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