so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
