; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this boner is exhausting
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize