Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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