I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
