I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
