Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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