Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So many bounce houses so little time
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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