I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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