so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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