Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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