Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
