I want to have your abortion
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
