Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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